Point One:
I live in a sort-of large town. Or I live in a really small city. It has yet made itself clear to me which one it is. Where I live, there is a modest skyline and you can just barely see the foothills leading up into some mountains. If you drive ten miles in the right direction from here, you can feel like you're in the middle of nowhere and be in some pretty serious peace and quite.
Point Two:
I don't own a car (although, my parents got me a super-sweet car share membership this year for Christmas). People somehow think this relates to me being a hippie. I'm not really sure why that is, other than hippies are a subculture and car owners are not. Let it be known that I do shower regularly, I'm not a huge fan of drum circles, and I haven't made hemp jewelry in very many years. The biggest reason I don't own a car is that it hasn't ever been a necessity for me, so why would I get one? That's just an added responsibility. I don't want to have to deal with annual maintenance, insurance, finding a parking spot, parking tickets, whatever you car-owners deal with on a regular basis, I don't want it.
Point Three:
I'm a pretty kick ass driver. I drive for work all over the state for three months out of the year and I'm safe, a great parallel parker, excellent turn signal-user, know who has the right-of-way when, keep a vigilant eye, etc. Yup. Aside from several lead-foot speeding tickets when I first got my license (pretty seriously speeding tickets actually, but I never go more than five mph over the limit now) I'm a very solid, safe driver.
Main point? (I know, seriously, get to it, the prologue has reason, I promise) People in the rural city (I'm convinced this is part of the problem, the city, not-quite-city conundrum, and I will continue to refer to this place as the rural city) cannot drive. Not everyone, obviously, but I would say a solid three quarters of the population are really, just terrible drivers. Riding my bicycle (or my scooter, in the warmer months) puts me in a position to be privy to noticing some really terrible driving habits of the rural citians. So, I've compiled a list of things I like, and things that could have easily led to my death. If you will:
DO: Use your turn signal. Seriously people. I'm not holding my arm out or out and down to look cool, I'm doing it to communicate with you. To let you know, "Hey, look the fuck out, I'm going to turn left here!" Please extend me the same courtesy. AND NO FAKE OUTS! That whole thing where you flip your blinker on and start to drift over, then swerve back because you have no idea where you are? Or when you turn your blinker on when you're halfway through the turn? That shit just isn't fair.
DON'T: Treat bicyclists like they're little old ladies. I understand the need to be nice, trust me, I really do, but don't give me special treatment. If I come to a stop sign while on my bicycle guess what I'm going to do. Go for it, guess. Okay, fine I'll tell you; I'm gunna stop, and wait for the intersection to clear because THAT'S THE LAW AND I DON'T BREAK IT BECAUSE THAT'S NOT SAFE! If you're in your car and you see me waiting at a stop sign and you don't have one why would you stop and wave me through the intersection?! That's insane! I'm sure that stop sign is there for a reason, which is why I stopped in the first place, and if you wave me through I'm going to do one of two things: Shake my head at you in disapproval and wait for the intersection to clear or pretend I don't see you. Either way, I will be muttering some of the foulest insults anyone has ever heard under my breath. (This applies for stop lights too, though the insults will be twice as bad because if you stop at a green light to try to be nice to me, you might as well just kill someone else).
DON'T: Roll through crosswalks at intersections without looking for pedestrians first. I know, this is a touchy one, "Hey! You're not a pedestrian, you're a cyclist!" Well, that's actually true and not true where I live, and a large part of the problem. Here, A cyclist obeys pedestrian laws while on the sidewalk and vehicle laws while in the street, so really, I'm whatever I wanna be. In any case, don't do that shit, it pisses me off.
DO: Be aware of your surroundings. Me, other cars, curbs, lanes, you know, like you were if you were... driving. Just know that you are not the only person on the road, and in fact, there are many other people on this planet aside from you.
DON'T: Wait for me. This one's a little bit of reiteration of the treating me like a little old lady, but slightly different. If I'm on the sidewalk and about to go through a drive way and you in all your four-wheeled glory, like a good driver have your turn signal on and are about to turn into that driveway, don't wait for me to go through it. This one has exceptions, but really what it comes down to is that I just don't trust you. Hurtful, I know, but very true. And really, I have no reason to trust you. I don't know you and I will always be defensive on my bicycle because there are so many terrible drivers on the road and my profession, not to mention my means of transport, relies on the use of my entire body in every way. A stutter step you share with a fellow pedestrian when you're walking in opposite directions down the street (you know, the thing that prompts that stupid "Shall we dance?" joke) is similar, except (despite having any empirical evidence to prove the point) I'm fairly certain that pressed steel and a variety of other metals are a bit harder that my little fleshy boney bits.
Bottom line? You, seated, warm, comfortable, surrounded by your reinforced steel and years of technological advances, equip with radio controls and cell phone blue tooth on your steering wheel are a lot bigger and a lot more durable than myself and my charming 1970's Raleigh with an adorable basket. Don't forget to look for me. And if you see me riding on the sidewalk, please don''t yell out your car window, "Get on the road!" That just proves to me that you would rather yell at pedestrians rather than pay attention to your task at hand; driving. In which case, I'd rather do anything in the world than share the road with you, a clearly distracted and crazy person.
Oh. And if any of you ever do hit me, please don't kill me. If you hurt me, and have insurance, we can talk. I got some bills to pay.
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