Convincing Myself I'm Full of Worth

I've been slowly coming to the realization that not only is this the first time I've lost a job, but it is also the first time I have been simultaneously jobless and classless (as in going to class, I still have plenty of class personally, no worries there) since I was fourteen. Yeah. Fourteen. That's 11 years. I am busy, truly, but without a consistent income I find my self feeling relatively worthless on a pretty regular basis.

So! To combat this icky feeling, I've been doing strange things that you normally would find me doing sporadically at any given time, now doing them regularly. Here's a sample of my life lately:

• Going to yoga. Regularly. Like 5 times a week, which is a little insane, but it always gives me that happy feeling afterwards. Borderline smug, actually, which comes with an icky-ness of it's own.
• Cleaning. This one's just weird. Doing the dishes every morning. Sweeping. (Vacuuming! Now that I have one) Regular visits to the laundry room. Folding cloths instead of throwing them on the floor. Organizing closets. Scrubbing the kitchen.
• Actually cooking meals that are more than following directions on a box (working at a restaurant had it's one irreplaceable quality of dirt cheap and delicious food).
• Checking Craigslist every morning to see what sort of amazing job could be in my future.
• Knitting. Okay, this one isn't really surprising to anyone, it's just been A LOT of knitting. And unfortunately I've lost my will to not have more than three projects on the needles at a time now. I think at the moment I have closer to eight. Yikes. Like this:

And this:

• Oh yeah, and blogging. Apparently I do that now too.

Sadly, no matter how hard I'm focusing on other things and how much I throw myself into memorizing lines, or finding a job, or knitting a sweater, or warrior II the fact of the matter is, I'm not bringing in any sort of income at all. It's strange, it's not a feeling of desperation for me quite yet. Luckily I plan for these types of situations and have a cushion to fall back on. I just can't shake that feeling of not bringing in money=worthless. Don't get me wrong. I know my definitions of value and worth are seemingly melding in this post, but I know I'm getting some very valuable and very worthwhile things done in this time, but that doesn't make it any easier to ignore the fact that I don't have anything immediately dependable to rely on.

Well. Except for me.